When I was younger, I thought something was wrong with me. When it was time to play house, I wanted the person who was playing mom or dad to punish me like the bad little girl that I am, unlike what most children do when they play house. I have been spanking myself since I can remember. My mom used to hang this paddle in the basement stairway, and when they’d leave to go somewhere, I’d run downstairs, grab that paddle, go back upstairs. I would make this last as long as I can, by forcing myself to take my pants and panties off in the door way, walk slowly over to the bed, rubbing the paddle across my bare ass cheeks as I go, telling myself over and over that I am about to get my bare ass punished, and I’m not going to be able to sit. I’d lay on the bed, always with a few pillows underneath my hips, ass and pussy up in the air, and I’d begin spanking myself. I’d make myself count, and sometimes be talking to someone imaginary, saying I’m sorry. I’d use things that I would really do during the day, such as lie to a friend, or cheat on a test. I was finally caught by my best friend in about 7th grade. We walked to school every day, and this one day, I had spanked my ass so hard the night before, that it hurt to walk or sit. I went to lean up against a tree talking to her, and I winced and jumped. She asked me what was wrong, and I confessed. She didn’t believe me until at school in the locker room, I bared my ass to her and showed her. She gasped at how bruised my ass was. The entire day, I was wet. Internet wasn’t big when I was a kid like it is to kids these days. Internet was monitored at school, and my parents were afraid of it, so they wouldn’t sign the permission slips for me to be on it. It wasn’t until I was in a loveless marriage with boring horrible sex that I got my hands on a computer. One day, I just typed in spanking, and I found all these sites, and I was shocked when I started seeing videos of grown men spanking grown woman’s asses, and them getting so wet. Up until this point, I’d only pretend during sex I was being punished if I wanted to cum. I started investigating more, and I realized that I was totally submissive. The man that I was with was abusive, severely mentally and physically abusive, and I didn’t want him to be my “master”. After years of torture, I finally left, and met the man of my dreams!! The very first night that I sat and talked with this man, I blurted out, “I’m a submissive!” He didn’t even blink, he simply said, ok. I sighed a sigh of relief. I have now encountered people who thought the fetish was weird, and I haven’t been dominated and treated like I really wanted and NEEDED. I did read that a truly submissive woman can try all she wants to live a normal life, and have a normal (boring) sex life, but inside, they have this burning need and desire, that is not being fulfilled.
Wow, this is my first blog, and I’m just letting it all out huh ? Well, we’ve been together about 2 years. The first year was allot of getting to know each other. We married 7 months after meeting. When I first told him that I wanted to be spanked, he tried, He would barely smack my ass and giggle and ask me if I was ok. No… this is not how I need it, but hey, we are working on it. And me, as a shy submissive, has a hard time saying, “no, act like i am in trouble, get mad at me, bend me over when I’m fighting a little, spank me, give me penalty swats, make me count and say what I did wrong… truly punish me.
After about a year, I started showing him videos of things i really liked, and he realized that I like it more…. what’s the word, not extreme, more real, more on the lines of a dd relationship. Real punishments. I am interested in figging, paddling, I don’t care if my ass bleeds!
He bought me this bed restraint set. Omg! The feeling of being tied up, helpless, nothing I can say or do can stop him… this was AMAZING. I was truly in trouble, and he tied me on my stomach, with pillows under my hips… I begged, and I whined, and came very close to my biggest fantasy.. this is weird, I have this fantasy of being forced to cry while being punished. I’ve heard that if a submissive cries, part because of pain, part because of remoarse for upsetting their master, they feel so much better afterwards, and it makes the punishment all worthwhile.
I have a punishment coming up. I went on vacation with my husband, and I was a royal brat! When I got around my family I became snotty, loud, obnoxious, I was so rude to him, I wanted everyone to see, that I wore the pants in this family!!! On the way home, my husband, best friend, master, declared to me that I am going to get an extremely severe punishment. It is torture, he says that I will receive this 3 day punishment by June 30th. This means I have no idea when it’s coming. He hasn’t spanked or dominated me at all in well over a week, and I know when he grabs me and spanks me for this first time, I am going to be in pain. Then once about 20 hard swats with the paddle hits, I am totally into it and accepting my swats easier.